Boobs

Bubble & Squeak, Terms & Conditions, Lefty & Righty: these were just some of the stamped words gracing the boobs of many a woman at this weekend’s WOMAD festival in the UK. No, the twins weren’t fully on display – much to the disappointment of the heterosexual male population for whom the female chest duet appears to be universally mesmerising – but those little stamps did peek out rather coquettishly.

It was, naturally, my two male companions who first pointed out a rather buxom set of Drum & Bass, their eyes slightly googly. I admit, I try to be PC about these things but this little bit of silliness did make me smile. When shortly thereafter a condensed set of Terms & Conditions walked past me I decided further investigation into this strange practice of boob-naming was in order.

The girls and I took a wander and were soon confronted with two very large tits working the crowd, quite independent of each other. This would usually be a feat to behold, but no, this was not a biological phenomenon, merely a couple of X cup campaigners in giant breast suits. Not something I’ve seen at fancy dress stores before I have to say. Their aim? To entice people into the Breast Cancer Awareness stand where a pert queue for stamps was to be found on most days.  Rather a clever way of drawing both women and men to a stand which would normally be largely overlooked, I thought.

It reminded me that I had just that morning received one of those Facebook messages urging me to participate in a status game to raise awareness of breast cancer.

Suddenly, it felt like boobs were everywhere.

There was the lady from the Pants to Poverty stand dressed only in her fairly traded, organic, peace pants and silver nipple tassels; the twitcher humour of the T-shirts proclaiming “Great Tits” over the image of two, well, Great Tits, not to mention the array of ageing hippies who perhaps should not have abandoned the bra entirely.

I couldn’t deny it, boobage was seeking my attention. Me being a little prudish, and concerned that the blazing sun might leave a lasting impression, I didn’t go and have my assets stamped – though I think perhaps Torvill & Dean would have been a good moniker -but I feel it only right that I do my tit..I mean bit, in advance of Breast Cancer Awareness Month in October.  So, here are some things you should know about boobs:

1. “The most prevalent cancer in the world today is breast cancer.” In this instance, ‘prevalent’ means if you were to have a party of people who have been diagnosed with any type of cancer in the world in the last 5 years and are still alive, nearly 18% of the people in that room would have pink ribbons.(Click for source)
2. Breast cancer also affects men, but it is rare – around 300 men are diagnosed each year.
3. Men: yelling out “Hey, nice tits” is unlikely to get you anywhere near them.
4. In women under the age of 35, breast cancer is the second most commonly diagnosed cancer.
5. ‘Boobs’ in Belarusian is ‘сіські’- try yelling that out! (Unless you’re from Belarus in which case refer to item 3)
6. More people are being diagnosed with breast cancer, but more people are surviving thanks to early detection. So, the moral of the story is, go on, cop a feel and…